Dr. Jenn Berman

Books That Will Help You Talk to Your Kids About Sex

drjenn — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 01:36:25 +0000

Books That Will Help You Talk to Your Kids About Sex

Many parents live in fear of the question, "where do babies come from?" The idea of talking about birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, peer pressure or oral sex can fluster the most competent of parents. But parents need to be their children's first and most accurate source of information about "the birds and the bees" because the alternative- their peers- is often rife with misinformation that can be down right dangerous. With a topic like sex, books can be a parent's greatest ally. They can be used to impart information, start discussions and can serve as a reference guides when you don't know the answer.

Sex education should be an ongoing talk with your child from day one. It starts by calling genitals by their proper names. This teaches children that these body parts are not shameful, helps children communicate their needs with other caregivers (such as “I have a rash on my penis”), and even makes it less likely for your child to become the victim of a sexual predator. Most kids start asking questions in preschool but if a child has not asked about how babies are made by the time they are eight, a parent needs to initiate the conversation.

You should honor your child's curiosity by answering questions honestly. If a child is old enough to ask, they are old enough to have the question answered. In the beginning you should just answer the specific question they are asking. As they get older and their questions get more complex and detailed, your answers should as well.

The following books will make the task of being your child's educator a little easier.

Age 3-5
This is often when sex education starts to become more specific. Typically it is at this age that children start asking where babies come from or how they "get out."

How Are Babies Made? Usborne Flip-Flaps
This is a wonderful starter book. Sperm and eggs are discussed without mention of how they come together. Some of the terms used, like "pee," are not technical but are child friendly. Kids will love to lift the flap to see the baby growing inside the mommy's womb.

When You Were Inside Mommy
This very sweet book is filled with illustrations of a loving mom and dad. This book gets into some detail without discussing gentalia.

Mommy, Was Your Tummy Big?
This book explains the basics of a donor egg in the simplest and sweetest terms using an elephant couple to explain the situation from the parents' perspective.

What's the Big Secret? Talking About Sex with Girls and Boys
This short but detailed book uses all the proper terms for genitals, shares detailed information about anatomy and touches on topics like good/bad touch and masturbation. Best for age five and up.

It's Not the Stork! A Book about Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families, and Friends
This book covers it all! Using cartoon drawings it discusses gender differences, anatomy, the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised penises, erections, puberty, sex, sperm, eggs, pregnancy, multiple births, good touch/bad touch, different types of families (adoption, single parents, gay parents, step parents, etc.). While recommended for age four and up, I would recommend it for five and older.

NO Trespassing: This Is My Body!
Written by one of my favorite child safety experts, Patti Fitzgerald, this book does a great job educating children about good touch and bad touch without scaring children. She helps empower children to listen to their "uh oh" feelings and teaches them to make boundaries with adults. The parents guide in the back is priceless.

Age 6-9
It's So Amazing: A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families
Geared towards the seven and up set, this book explains the mechanics of making a baby, "okay touches" and "not okay touches," HIV and AIDS, and more. It has lots of drawings to keep kids' attention and illustrate the information provided.

I Said No! A kid-to-Kid Guide to Keeping Your Private Parts Private
This is a terrific book for abuse prevention for children six and older. It is told from the perspective of Zack, who had a bad experience at a sleep over with another child. The book does an excellent job giving clear examples of the tools typically used in such cases- bribes and threats. The authors give examples of situations that might come up with great suggestions for children how to handle them.

How Babies and Families are Made (There is More Than One Way!)
This unique book explain how familes are made. It goes beyond the typical birds and bees explanation of sex and provides in depth understanding of fertility treatments, donor insemination, miscarriage, labor and delivery, cesarean sections, preemies, disabilities, blended families, and adoption.

Age 10-13
It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health
This informative book covers a lot of ground: gender, sexual orientation, sexual intercourse, reproduction, puberty, masturbation, pregnancy, child birth, abstinence, abortion, sexual abuse, sexually transmitted diseases, and more. The book has lots of illustrations and cartoons to make heavy subjects lighter.

Period: A Girl's Guide
A great guide to menstruation, this simple book explains all the changes girls go through. It provides information, tips, and supports a healthy attitudes about the female body.

What's Going on Down There?: Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask
Written with the help of an eleven year old boy and a thirteen year old boy, this book addresses boys most embarrassing questions about their bodies, puberty, sex, girls, baby making, what's "normal," masturbation, sexual orientation, birth control and STDs.

Age 14-17
Our Bodies, Ourselves
This newly revised and updated classic leaves no sexual stone unturned. It is an encyclopedia of information covering everything from puberty to menopause and then some. The authors go into detail about sexual health, body image, gender identity sexual orientation, relationships, sexual pleasure, consent, birth control, safe sex, STIs, unplanned pregnancies, abortion, pregnancy, miscarriages, fertility treatment, violence against women, and more.

Changing Bodies, Changing Lives
A comprehensive book for teens that addresses the physical, medical and emotional aspects of sex and other related subjects. With the help of experts, this book tackles sex, relationships, eating disorders, substance abuse, violence, STDs, birth control, abortion, gynecological exams,

Helping Kids Cope with the Newtown Shooting

drjenn — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 22:29:58 +0000

On Friday, December 14th a gunman walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School and opened fire. Minutes later 26 people were dead, 20 of which were children. Regardless of whether or not you are a parent, have kids in elementary school or have been a victim of gun violence this kind of trauma shakes us all to the core.

It is difficult to “make sense” of a horrible tragedy like this. We will probably never will but what we can do is focus on the acts of humanity, amazing people who responded, keep our loved ones close and take action that helps us to feel like we are making the world a little bit of a better place. There is nothing we can do to bring back those precious lives that were lost, but we can always take steps to help those that are here and to stand up for what we believe.

What You Can Do

One of the most important things you can do it turn off the television. When a horrible incident like this occurs it is out natural inclination to want to get information and to keep the television on to accomplish that. But the last thing kids need to see is images of frightened child evacuating their school and the last thing they need to hear is stories of kids who died.

Studies of middle school children, who had no direct personal exposure and were 100 miles from the Oklahoma City blast, found that those who had watched more television footage of the disaster had the most psychological symptoms of distress. It is believed by some researchers that children experience what is now known as vicarious exposure, or being traumatized from a distance, that may be as significant as actually being there at the site of the trauma. Even two years later, many of these children report bomb related symptoms that impaired their functioning at home or at school.

Safety

Children of all ages have one primary concern. That concern is safety, their own safety and the
safety of those they care about. Most children want to know that they and their parents are safe. One of the most common and difficult questions to answer is, “Will this happen at my school?” Often it is a parent’s natural inclination to say, “Of course not!” in order to calm their child and make them feel better. A more honest and empowering response is to say, “A shooting like this
almost never happens,” and then to talk about the safety precautions your child’s school takes to protect your child and the importance of taking all school safety drills seriously.

Talking About It

For older children or kids who were exposed to media about the story having discussions about what happened and how they feel about it is especially important for the healing process. But some children don’t want to talk. Young children may be too confused and some kids may not have the words for it yet. They may act it out in play, you may notice changes in their behavior or they make have nightmares. It is important that you make it clear that you are available to talk to when they are ready. Your kids may have an easier time talking about what their friends are saying than sharing their own feelings. This is still a great way for them to express their thoughts and concerns.

Children who feel the most helpless tend to have the most symptoms of post traumatic stress. According to author Daniel Goleman, “If people feel like there is something they can do in a catastrophic situation, some control they can exert, no matter how minor, they fare far better emotionally than do those who feel utterly helpless.” I believe this extends to the days, months, and even years after a trauma. Children who feel like they are able to help themselves and help others tend to recover quicker.

Helping

What can you do to help your child feel that sense of self efficacy? After 9-11 many children raised money for the Red Cross or sent letters to children in New York. Currently The United Way of Western Connecticut is accepting donations. Local residents who wish to volunteer can contact the Connecticut Department of Emergency Services and Public Protection .

Your Own Reactions

One final thing to keep in mind, research shows that how well a parent copes with trauma is one of the most significant predictors of how well a child recovers. According to the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence,“Parents are the central sources of safety and security for their children.” Your children look to you to model how to deal with disaster. If you are having a difficult time with your own grieving process or fears seek help. One day, your children will thank you.

Things You Can Do to Help Your Children Cope

1. Turn off the television.

2. Reassure your children about their own safety.

3. Answer questions honestly but avoid giving more information than is being asked for.

4. Be observant about behavioral changes in your child.

5. Give kids the room to play out their anxiety through the use of toys and dolls.

6. Talk with your children about their thoughts, fears, and concerns.

7. Normalize their feelings.

8. Allow children who have lost someone to grieve their loss.

9. Focus on the people who helped and acts of heroism.

10. Help kids to take actions that will create a feeling that they can impact the world.

11. Teach kids to take all school drills seriously.

12. Stick to your normal family routines which provide security for kids.

13. Take positive action as a family.

14. Get help for yourself if you are having difficulty coping.

For Singles 100 Places to Meet People

drjenn — Mon, 28 May 2012 17:46:40 +0000

Take a class that interests you. Extension classes or places like the Learning Annex are great places to meet people with similar interests.

Take a wine tasting class. It is a great way to impress your friends at the dinner table or your next date, and you just might meet someone interesting in the process.

Go to a dog park. Men and women who have dogs make particularly good partners, providing you like dogs. They have the ability to care for another being, a sense of responsibility, and are able to form emotional attachments.

Go to a 12-step meeting. If you have a problem with drugs or alcohol you need the help, anyway. It’s also a great way to meet people who are willing to work on themselves. If you are the child of an alcoholic check out Adult Children or if you need help dealing with a relative or friend with a problem, Al-anon is a great place to go.

Religious singles should try their local place of worship. Attending services is a great way to meet people. Also, many religious organizations offer events and classes specifically geared towards singles.

Get out and go to restaurants. Try new places or restaurants that cater to singles or have music at night, which tends to attract a more social crowd. Sites like Zagat can help you search based on location, cuisine, nightlife, etc.

Online dating is a great way to meet people. You can learn a lot about a people based on their online profiles. Anyone who fills out a profile shows that he or she is motivated to meet people, is literate, and has a certain level of organizational skill. Make sure that, when you meet online dates for the first time, you do it in a public place and take all reasonable safety precautions until you know that person really well.

Speed dating which is like musical chairs with human chemistry, is a time effective way to meet a future partner. At a speed dating event, all men and women are given a numbered badge. The women are usually seated at individual tables and the men will rotate around the room meeting each of the women. A bell will ring signaling the beginning of the date and each couple then spends four to eight minutes (depending on the host’s rules) interviewing each other before the bell rings and the men move on to sit across from the next woman. At the end of the evening, if there are any mutual love connections, the host then lets the “couples” know.

Ask everyone you know to set you up on a blind date. Blind dates are a great way to meet people because the person who is setting you up knows both of you and is hopefully basing their decision on more than the fact that you are both single. If someone knows both your personalities they just might help you find your soul mate.

Bookstores are a great place to meet literate singles. Most bookstores have seating areas and some even have coffee bars.

Try singles groups that are organized around seemingly every type of interest and age group are a great way to meet potential mates with similar interests.

Hit the gym. You can meet health conscious people and, even if you don’t meet someone, you are still doing something healthy that will extend your life and keep you fit.

Physical activity is a good way to meet people. Start rock-climbing, surfing, skiing, playing tennis or golf. You never know who will meet while being active and being healthy.

Go to sporting events. Football games, baseball games, tennis matches, golf tournaments, hockey games, extreme sports championships, and any other type of sporting event can be a great way to meet someone.

If you are looking for a woman, go where the women are: nail salons, spas, and hair salons are great places to meet well-groomed women and become a well-groomed man.

Going to a retreat can help you find someone with similar interests. Spending time away from home learning a new skill like meditation, yoga, or even self-exploration can be good for you, anyway.

Take a cooking class. You can master the art of the culinary seduction and meet someone at the same time.

Go to a convention. Most convention centers offer calendars of scheduled events.

Check your local paper for listings of upcoming special events. The Los Angeles Times Calendar section, for example, has a great event section.

Matchmakers are back again. Thanks to people like Patti Stanger matchmakers have had an resurgence. There are individual matchmakers as well as companies that set people up. There is even a company that only sets people up on lunch dates.

Take a magazine, book, or the weekend paper and go read at a quick outdoor restaurant like Jamba Juice, Noah’s Bagels, Starbucks , or Coffee Bean.

Happy hour isn’t just for drinking. Many restaurants and bars offer a special happy hour menu. People tend to be a little more social and open to meeting people after work.

You can always find sports-loving men at a sports bar when there is a big game playing. Often the bars will offer free drinks to women on those nights.

Volunteer! Studies show that people who volunteer have fewer incidents of depression and higher self esteem. Volunteering is a great way to feel like you serve a purpose in the world and a great way to meet people. Check out an organization like Volunteer Match to help you find an organization you will be excited to help.

Take sports lessons. Learning a new sport can help your fitness level and you never know who you will meet in your class.

Go shopping. Pick stores based on the kind of person you are looking for and spend some time browsing. Ask fellow shoppers to help find a gift for your “relative.”

Go to a magazine stand. Hang out and read while looking for interesting people with whom to start conversations.

Go hang out at a coffee house. The more social the hangout, the better.

Go car shopping. Not in the market for a new car yet? Have fun browsing and talk to other customers. Each one is a potential date.

One isn’t such a lonely number. It is an approachable number. Go out to eat by yourself. It makes you easier to talk to. Bring a book or magazine if you are worried about being bored.

Go to a concert or a play. If you have the same taste in music or theater, who knows what else you have in common?

Start a blog. It is a great way to be creative and be part of an online community.

Go to the public library. Cruise the shelves for smart singles. Make sure to check out specific libraries like college libraries and medical libraries.

Start a company newsletter. This gives people from other departments a reason to talk to you. It could be good for your career too.

Circulate a sports pool. It’s a great excuse to talk to people at work you might never speak to. Ask friends if they know anyone who might like to join.

Host a coed (or single sex if you are gay) poker game.

Throw a singles party. Tell each friend you invite they have to bring two singles friends.

Take a singles trip. Check with a travel agent or do some online research to find cruises or trips just for singles.

Take dance lessons. You can learn to dance at a dance studio or, better yet, try a club that offers classes. If you arrive without a partner the instructor will pair you up.

Learn the art of public speaking. You can boost your career skills and meet interesting people at the same time. Public speaking organizations such as Toastmasters are free.

Attend a trade show for fun. You will get lots of free goodies and maybe a date.

Start an investment club. You can become financially savvy, make some money, and meet new people.

Try a cuddle party. Cuddle Parties are affectionate play events for adults, designed to provide a space to explore and enjoy touch, nurturing and communication.

Hang out at the pool. Find a friend that lives in an apartment or condominium that has a pool where people hang out on the weekends.

Go spend a day at the beach.

Learn how to surf.

Organize a neighborhood watch. It is a great way to meet your neighbors, make your neighborhood safer, and meet a potential date.

Train for a marathon. Groups like the LA Leggers and the LA Roadrunners teach people how to train for the event, organize group runs and has guest speakers. Most cities have their own training groups.

Ride a bike. Check out the bike paths in your neighborhood.

Do your grocery shopping after work or on weekends. You stand a better chance of meeting employed singles.

Join a car club like the Sports Car Club of America, BMW, Muscle Car Club, or Aston Martin. You don’t have to own a car to be a member of most car clubs. You can go to the events and even learn driving skills.

Attend a car show. Shows like the LA Auto Show are a fun way to see next year’s cars, get fun accessories, and meet people. Take the weekend off and go see the Concours d’Elegance.

Take a vacation. Save up and splurge on a high-end vacation or go on a social vacation to a place like Club Med.

Go to a museum. Museums aren’t just about art. There are car museums, wax museums, science museums, and even tar pit museums.

Try going to a performance driving school like BMW Driving School, Evolution , Fast Track Driving School or any number of others available in your area.

Attend an air show.

Learn to sky dive from a certified instructor.

Learn to play an instrument.

Get a membership in a private social group or club.

Learn a language. Try a group class at a place like Berlitz. You could be learning the language of love!

Take an art class. Painting, ceramics, watercolors, drawing, sculpting can all be great ways to explore your creativity and meet other creative people.

Go to a home improvement store. You can improve your home and your love life all at once.

Get on the board of a charity. It is a great way to give back to the community and meet generous people.

Feed the homeless. Many homeless shelters have programs that allow people to come in and work in the soup kitchen. It is a great way to donate your time and meet other kind souls.

Get politically involved. Get involved with your political party or volunteer to work for a candidate who is running for office.

Join a demonstration. Follow your beliefs. March for or against something.

Go bowling or join a league.

Go for a walk in a different neighborhood or visit a jogging track.

Learn how to sail. Take a lesson or join a club.

Learn how to fly a plane.

Get certified in scuba. Most scuba schools offer snorkeling classes, instructor training, and can even hook you up with scuba travel destinations.
Get involved with the Sierra Club. The Sierra Club's has more than 750,000 members. Inspired by nature, the Sierra Club members work to protect our communities and the planet. The Club is America's oldest, largest and most influential grassroots environmental organization.

Take an architectural tour of your city. The L.A. Conservancy conducts a dozen information-packed walking tours of historic Downtown L.A., seed of today's sprawling metropolis. Check out tours in your neighborhood.

Go furniture shopping. Ask someone cute for advice.
If you are a single parent, check out Parents Without Partners. PWP helps parents who are struggling to raise children alone, contend with the emotional conflicts of divorce, separation, widowhood or having children out of wedlock. PWP Inc. is the only international organization that provides real help by means of discussions, professional speakers, study groups, publications and social activities for families and individuals.
If you have children, take a parenting class for singles. It will make you a better parent and you never know who you might meet.

Go visit an internet café.

Spend a day at the hospital. Find out about volunteering, eat in the cafeteria, and shop in the gift shop.

Take your friend’s dating leftovers. Make a pact to set each other up with up with eligible dates that don’t work out for each of you. One person’s trash is another person’s treasure.

Have “Dating Leftovers” party, like Charlotte did in “Sex in the City.” Ask each invitee to bring someone of the opposite sex (same sex if you are gay) who they are not interested in dating themselves.

Host a holiday dinner. Lots of transplanted singles have nowhere to go during the holidays. Be inclusive and invite friends to bring friends. The more the merrier!

Get a tattoo. If you are into tattoos you just may meet another like-minded tattoo lover. Just make sure the tattoo parlor follows all heath and safety precautions before you let them work on you. If you hit it off with someone you meet there, do not get a tattoo of your new friend’s name.

Go to your class reunion. Everything old is new again!

Take your dog to obedience class. You end up with a better behaved puppy and can meet other dog lovers.

Write or answer a personal ad. Make sure to meet in a public place to be safe.

Get a second job. You can meet new people and make some dough.

Learn to tend bar. Making a good mixed drink can be sexy. You can meet people in the classes or after you finish, working as a bartender.

Take pictures. Spend a day taking pictures around town. If you take a great picture of someone, get their info so you can send it to them later. You can also meet people in a photography class.

Bake cookies for a new neighbor to welcome him or her to the neighborhood.

Go for high tea if you are looking for women. Take your grandmother, mom or sister as your wingman.

Take martial arts or a self defense class. You will increase you own sense of safety, get stronger, and you might meet interesting people.

Instead of washing your car at home, go to a car wash.

If you have kids, take them to an amusement park. It is great place to meet other parents, hopefully lots of single parents.

Teach a class about something in which you are an expert.

Visit a friend at work. Have your friend introduce you to his or her office friends.

Eat in a cafeteria. People tend to be more social in a cafeteria setting. Choose the one at your own work or meet up with a friend or colleague at his or her workplace cafeteria.

Go to a wedding alone. Parties that celebrate important milestones like: a Bar or Bat Mitvah, a christening, a graduation parties, a Bris, a baby naming, or a sweet 16 are all great places to meet people.

Reach out to people via social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, and other sites.

Go to a house party.

Host a party. Throw a theme party, an Academy Awards party, a Halloween party, a TV Show party or just

Dr. Jenn’s Relationship Tips from The Talk

jeremywdane — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:00:24 +0000

Yesterday, I was a guest on The Talk where I got to speak about relationship tips with Julie Chen and Aisha Tyler and some of the other ladies from the show. We talked about important changes that you can make that will bring about immediate and dramatic improvements in thestate of your union. Here they are:

1) CHANGE HOW YOU CONNECT Do a daily check in. Put down the phone and laptop for a minimum of 20 minutes a day and take the time to see how one another are doing. Try to touch base about your thoughts and feelings as well as how your partner’s day is going. Make sure you ask if it is a good time for both of you to connect. This connection time is like putting emotional money in the bank.

2) CHANGE HOW YOU LISTEN AND SPEAK Try reflective listening. Reflective listening is repeating back to your partner what he or she just said using your own words. Often when couples fight they are so busy constructing their next argument while their partner is talking that they don’t really listen to what the other person is saying. For example, “Let me see if I understand you correctly. When I yell at you, you find it threatening and it makes you feel hurt and scared?” Feeling heard in a relationship is vital to good communication.

When it comes to speaking, try using “I” statements. These point of these statements are for one person in the relationship to be able to express to the other one how they feel without putting their partner on the defensive. They sound like this: “When you leave your underwear on the floor. It makes me feel hurt because I feel like you don't realize how hard I work to keep the house clean." Doesn't that sound much better than, "You are such a slob! Stop leaving your underwear on the floor. I can't stand it any more!" "I" statements are not debatable because they don't blame and they take responsibility for the speaker experience.

3) CHANGE HOW YOU DEAL WITH TENSION Take a "time out." This calm down technique time is actually better used for adults than kids. When an argument gets too heated it ceases to be productive. Most couples can benefit from a cool down period during an argument. It is important that you establish this before taking the break so your partner doesn’t think you are simply walking away. It is helpful to say something like, “I think I need a time out right now. I am too upset to think straight and need some time to calm down. Let’s check back in an hour.” Learning to take a loving time out is a valuable skill.

4) CHANGE HOW YOU BALANCE THE POWER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP Let your partner influence your decisions. Studies have shown that, even in the first few months of marriage, men who allow their wives to influence them have happier marriages and are less likely to want a divorce than men who resist their wives' input. Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to be influenced by his partner, there is an 81 percent chance that his marriage will self-destruct.

5) CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT SEX Just like the old Nike ad, "just do it." We tend to think that we have to be in the mood or that the circumstances need to be perfect in order to make love but it is far more important to just "do it." Sex begets more sex; the more we have, the more we tend to want. Sometimes you just have to say, "I'm not in the mood but I am open to letting you get me in the mood." This willingness to be open to intimacy keeps us connected in the relationship and keeps us close to our partner.

Get Ready to “Rock Out” with the ROCKIN’ BABIES swag bag!

drjenn — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 01:45:54 +0000

Last fall when my book SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years launched I gave away SuperBaby swag bags filled with tons of my favorite products. The bags were such a huge hit (one was even featured in Star Magazine!) that I decided to do a rockin’ roll themed bag for my new children’s book Rockin’ Babies. Like the book, the bag is filled with edgy, cool, funky stuff that will make you smile. Each bag is valued at approximately $200. After all, you shouldn’t have to be a celebrity to get a great swag bag! For details about events where the bag will be given out, see below. Wondering what is in the bag? Drum roll please… Each bag has the following: 2 non-toxic Rockin’ Babies Tattoos 1 Rockabye Baby CD 1 DVD of Baby Signing Time! and one CD of Signing Time! Volume 1-3 I highly recommend these DVDs for parents to learn sign and also for children over the age of three. 1 box Trumpettes socks (6 pairs!) 1 pair Baby Banz sunglasses 1 full size package of Boogie Wipes, two mini samples, a Boogie plush toy and coupons 2 pairs My Little Legs 1 Personalized Pacifier with a saying like “Rock On,” “Rock Star,” “Rock On,” and others. 1 pack Silly Bandz RockBandz shapes 2 bottles Piggy Paint nail polish Rock in Green laundry and cloth diaper detergent 1 pair Sourpuss skull and cross bones socks 1 Highlights High Five Magazine 1 set of 3 Delta Adjustable “Grow with Me” Hangers Happy Baby Puffs and coupons 1 coupon for 20% off Retail Therapy Wondering how to get a bag? They will be available at each of the following events: *NEW UPDATED EVENT DATES* Friday, June 24^th at 3 pm "Raising Book Lovers" at The Pump Station in Westlake Dr. Jenn and co-author Cynthia Weil will talk about Rockin' Babies and read the book. Then Dr. Jenn will discuss how parents can raise children who love to read and why that is important and then answer questions from audience members. RSVP (805) 777-7179 or Info@pumpstation.com *The first 30 people who buy 3 books will get a bag* Saturday, June 25^th at 11:15 am "Rockin' Babies Palooza" at The Pump Station Santa Monica Bring your kids (all ages are welcome) to the Pump Station for live music, face painting, organic baby food tasting, non-toxic tattoos and, of course, a reading of Rockin' Babies by Dr. Jenn and Cynthia. RSVP (310) 998-1981 or Info@pumpstation.com *The first 30 people who buy 3 books will get a bag* Sunday, June 26^th at 10 am "Raising Book Lovers" at The Pump Station Hollywood Book reading, lecture about children and reading, and audience Q and A period. RSVP (323) 469-5300 or Info@pumpstation.com *The first 30 people who buy 3 books will get a bag* For other opportunities to get your ROCKIN’ BABIES swag bag follow Dr. Jenn on twitter or Facebook.

Helping Your Family to Go Green

drjenn — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 00:45:31 +0000

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? – Henry David Thoreau Earth Day has come and gone but the impact doesn’t have to. Let the day and its experiences serve as a jumping off point for your family to go “green.” There are two facets to being “green.” The first facet is about how you and your family affect the environment. This is reflected by doing things we hear a lot about, like: recycling, composting, using both sides of the paper, turning off the water while you are brushing your teeth and turning off the lights when you leave the room. The second facet is about how you let the environment (and all the current chemicals) affect your family. In the last few decades approximately 82,000 new and synthetic chemical compounds have been introduced to our environment, less than 10 percent of which have been tested for safety. In this context, therefore, being “green” means protecting your family as well as the environment. Having “green” values is a wonderful way to unite a family through common goals and a shared family philosophy. The thoughtful practices involved in having an environmentally conscious family extend outwards; the child who thinks about recycling is less likely to throw away a half-eaten lunch and is more likely to look around for a child who might still be hungry after eating his own lunch at school. Compassion for the Earth inspires compassion for other people and animals. Also, eco-friendly practices can extend the lives of your family members. Take plastic bottles for example. The use and reuse of plastic bottles, which often contains the hormone disrupter bisphenol-A (BPA), has been linked to diabetes, declining sperm count, obesity, and breast and prostate cancer. Making a choice to eliminate plastic bottles could help the environment as well as making your family healthier. When I began doing the research for my latest book SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years I was overwhelmed by all the things I needed to do to help our family go “greener.” I wanted to do them all but it seemed nearly impossible to make them all happen at once. What I learned writing the book was that small steps can make a big difference and that you don’t have to make every change overnight. Changing the products you buy is a great first step and can make a big difference. For example triclosan, one of the key chemicals in antibacterial products, is a hormone disrupter that has also been linked to weakened immune systems, decreased fertility, altered sex hormones, birth defects, and cancer. So pervasive is this chemical in our everyday lives that a 2004 study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that nearly three-quarters of adults and children older than six had detectable levels of triclosan in their systems. When you wash your hands with an antibacterial soap, it breaks down rapidly, due to the warm, chlorinated water that you have probably been instructed to use for optimal hand-washing protocol. According to a 2005 study printed in the journal Environmental Science and Technology, however, using warm, chlorinated water forms toxic chemicals, including chloroform, in as little as a minute. These chemicals then travel down the drain, ending up in rivers and streams harming wildlife. “Walk up to any two streams in the U.S., and one will contain triclosan and triclocarban,” says Dr. Rolf Halden, associate professor at Arizona State University’s Biodesign Institute. Once you know to avoid triclosan, it is easy enough to find great hand sanitizing products and soaps that don’t have it like: Burt’s Bees, Cleanwell, EO, Nature’s Paradise, and many others. Wondering what you can do to get your family off to a “green” start? Try these tips:

Have a weekly family meeting to discuss family business and make one new “green” goal each week.
Make a family pact to not use plastic for one week or have a contest to see who can go the longest.
Plant a vegetable garden together. It is great way to do something kind for the environment, save money, work together, and kids are more enthusiastic about eating the food they grow.
It you are not ready to go vegan or vegetarian, try “Meatless Mondays”. Research has shown that animal agriculture is the single largest source of methane, which is a greenhouse gas that is twenty-one times more powerful than carbon dioxide.
Change cleaning products to less toxic chemicals. Not only is it better for the environment but it means you can get your kids more involved cleaning the house without worrying about inhaling toxic fumes.
Read “green” books together. Books are one of the best ways to reinforce the environmental message. You can start at birth with “green” board books. Don’t forget to continue to read to your child, even after he can read to himself. It is a great way to connect and talk about your beliefs.

Some terrific “green” books to get your family started are: Eco Babies Wear Green , I’m Not Too Little to Help the Earth, The Earth and I , Growing Green: A Young Person's Guide to Taking Care of the Planet , 10 Things I Can Do to Help My World, The Lorax , Michael Recycle Meets Litterbug Doug , Winston of Churchill: One Bear’s Battle Against Global Warming and The Down-to earth Guide to Global Warming.

Avoid Emasculating Your Man When He Earns Less

drjenn — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 01:36:19 +0000

The tides are turning. Almost one third of working women in the US now out-earn their husbands. Women now make up 58 percent of college students pursuing a bachelor’s degree and six out of ten graduate degrees. In the current recession, three men have lost their jobs for every one woman that has and because of that women now make up the majority of the workforce. An estimated 158,000 unemployed fathers of children under 15 are caring for their kids full time while their wives work. For most couples this is uncharted territory. Without many firsthand role models it can be difficult to know how to structure the relationship, finances, decision making and family life. Traditionally men have relied on their ability to earn money and support their families as a source of self esteem. But these new roles require couples to rethink their ideas of gender roles, family structure and, even, what is sexy. If you are a woman whose spouse or boyfriend earns less than you, here are a few tips to help things run smoothly. 1. Make it clear that value in a relationship in not based on earning power. Do this by acknowledging his contributions to the relationship both verbally and with acts of affection. 2. Support his career and passions. Just because he isn’t earning as much as you doesn’t mean that his job is any less important to him. 3. Make household decision together. Traditionally the person who earned the most money got to make the choices but that diminishes the importance of the person who is earning less. 4. Brag to your friends. Let him hear you telling your friends how terrific he is. This allows him to hear how much you respect him and also helps your friends to value him as well. 5. Let him pull out his wallet. If you are married and out to dinner, let him take the check regardless of where the actual money comes from that pays the credit card bill. If you are still in the dating stage, let him pick restaurants that he can afford so he can have the opportunity to take you out. 6. Divide the labor fairly. When deciding who is going to do which chores at home, don’t let earning be a factor. Make those decisions based on time, skill and strengths. 7. Make big financial decisions together. Don’t assume that just because you are earning more that you can go out and buy a new car without any discussion. Operating as a team is crucial. 8. Make long term goals together. Have common goals that you can work towards together. It is easier to hear him say, “Let’s not eat out tonight so we can put more money into the house fund” when you know that choice is based on plans for a future together. You are far less likely to have an entitled attitude (i.e.“I earned it so I should get to decide how we spend it”). Sacrificing and working together as a team helps bring you closer. 9. Have a joint bank account as well as individual accounts. This makes it so you don’t have to ask each other for permission for every purchase. This can help avoid making him feeling infantilized and you feeling resentful. It also allows for a surprise birthday gift. 10. Communicate your expectations clearly and respectfully. Clear and honest communication about what is working and what isn’t helps couples improve their relationship. Keep in mind that these issues of money and power are sensitive ones. Make sure to discuss them when you are calm. It helps to write down each of your agreed responsibilities and continue to reassess as time goes on.

Tips for a Bath Resistant Toddler

drjenn — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 01:12:44 +0000

Dear Dr. Jenn, I listen to your show every day on my way from work on Cosmo radio. You are such a gift and give such great advice! This time I am in desperate need of your expert opinion! I have a 23 months old and she is petrified of taking baths. Last summer, when she was around 18 months she slipped in the pool and went under water for a brief 3 seconds, but it traumatized her enough to be terrified of water. It took 6 month for to start getting comfortable taking baths and she even started squatting down to play. I couldn’t be happier! About 3 weeks ago we were doing our usual bath routine (she takes baths with her 5 year old sister), I undressed her and put her in the tub, and the moment her feet touched the water she started not crying, but screaming on top of her lungs “mama all done”…Ever since then she runs away and hides from me every time it’s time to get clean. I already reduced bath time to once a week, and use wipes other days. We have tried everything: papa getting in the tub with her in swim shorts; taking shower with me while I am holding her next to my skin, nothing seems to help. We are back at square one, and the most tear-jerking part is her holding on so tight, shivering and really crying, and I am not able to help. What can I do? Thank you! Julia There is nothing worse than seeing our child suffering and scared. Your daughter has a great memory and she wants to make sure that nothing like that ever happens again. I have a few recommendations: 1. Validate her feelings. All too often parents just want to make the discomfort go away so they say things like, “It’s okay” or “You’re okay” (Are you guilty of this one? Most parents are.) but in that moment she is not. She is terrified. Instead, validate her experience, “You are remembering when you fell in the pool. That was really scary!” and let her know you are going to keep her safe “I am not going to let that happen again.” 2. Make sure to give her optimal bathing conditions. Make sure that she is not too hungry or tired when you give her a bath. She needs to go into the experience without being cranky or exhausted. 3. Bathe her alone. I know it is a pain to take the time to do two separate bathes but right now she needs the individual attention. She needs to be the sole focus during bath time until her anxiety dissipates. I would also recommend keeping one hand on her at all times during the bath to help her feel safer. 4. Play in the “dry” tub. Try to create some positive associations with the bath tub by playing in it together when she does not need a bath. Put some of her toys in the tub and hang out in there together playing so it becomes less scary and she doesn’t think that she will have to be in water every time she is near the tub. 5. Try starting the bath without water. Let her sit in the tub and literally ad water one cup at a time, making it a fun game for her. Make sure you keep the water level very low the whole time as she gets more comfortable. 6. Get some distraction toys. Let her bring a favorite toy into the tub. Get some balloons and give them to her in the tub (my kids are obsessed!). Try getting some new bath toys like the Sassy Fun Fishing Toy, Tub Tunes Water Drums, Green Spouts Stacking Cups, Alex Jr. Water Xylophone, or Muchkin Disco Tub Lights. 7. Make your tub slip proof. Make sure you have a no slip bath mat so that she does not have that feeling like she is going to slip which is likely to trigger her fear reaction. 8. Try a different tub. Don’t worry, you don’t have to redo your bathroom for this. You may want to consider getting a small portable tub like the FlexiBath or something crazy looking like a duck tub. Having a smaller enclosed tub might feel less overwhelming to her. Truthfully I think the water is scaring her more than the actual tub but I do think her fears of slipping are a trigger and a smaller more manageable tub might help. Time will heal this memory eventually but I am hoping that one or more of these tips helps speed up the process. Thanks so much for listening to my show on Cosmo Radio and following me on Facebook! Please let me know what happens!

Why Women Need to Ask

drjenn — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 14:06:08 +0000

Last month I got a call on my radio show from Ashley who was unhappy with the pay at her job and when she approached her boss was only given a 50 cent raise which didn’t even show up on her pay check. The call got me thinking about “the ask” and how hard it is for so many women. Typically women don’t ask for what they want as frequently as men do. In the ground-breaking book Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide authors Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever found that the results of this lack of negotiation skills snow balls over time. In Babcock’s study examining the starting salaries of men and women graduates of Carnegie Mellon University she found that, on average, men’s first salaries were $4,000 higher. Upon further examination, she found that 57 percent of the men had asked for more money after receiving the initial offer whereas only 7 percent of the women had. Study after study revealed the same type of results. When researchers looked at this disparity and played out the salaries of these men and women over the course of a professional life time they found that, just by asking, the men earned $568,834 more than the women. Because the salary of your second job is usually based on your first, as are your raises, starting off at a lower salary ultimately leads to a serious disparity between the sexes. Professors Robin L. Pinkley and Gregory B. Northcraft, authors of Get Paid What You’re Worth, estimate that a woman who routinely negotiates her salary will earn over a million dollars more than her female counterpart who does not ask for more money, over the course of her entire career. Legendary psychologist Carol Gilligan was the first to talk about what she called the “tyranny of niceness,” the way American culture encourages females to be people pleasers at their own expense. This cultural pressure to put other’s needs first, to ignore one’s own feelings and to avoid asking for what one wants because it might make other people uncomfortable has traditionally been felt by and harmed women the most. Because women tend to be relationship oriented they are more likely to subvert their own desires to please others or to avoid a potential conflict. Whether it is asking for a raise, a better job opportunity, help at home, or for a boyfriend to wear a condom it is a crucial life skill that must be mastered.

Online Dating Safety Tips

drjenn — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 00:27:59 +0000

When it comes to meeting a potential soulmate, the worldwide web is one of the greatest resources a single person has. In addition to an abundance of dating websites and chat rooms, the web provides tons of information about singles events, matchmakers and great tips. But when it comes to internet dating, safety is crucial. To begin with, take the time to get to know your potential date. After contacting each other through a site make sure to spend some time emailing back and forth before even sharing a phone number. Once you speak on the phone, take a little time to screen your potential date and get to know him. Don’t be lulled into a false sense of security because you have talked to someone on the phone for a while. You are still meeting a stranger so you must take precautions. Make sure to always follow these tips. 1) Trust your gut. Most people are encouraged to disregard their intuitive process for a more logical one. This is a huge mistake. In his book The Gift of Fear, Gavin De Becker hypothesizes that intuition is really created from reading hundreds of subtle logical signs around us and drawing quick conclusions. He says that intuition is actually a cognitive process that is superior to logical thought. 2) Never get into a car with your date. Keep in mind, no matter how many times you emailed, IMed, G Chatted, Facebooked or BBMed he is still a stranger. As soon as you get into a car you have lost your power. Once inside, your date can take you anywhere and do anything with you. Don’t take that chance, even if it seems romantic to let him drive you home. 3) Give a friend all the information you have before a date. Make sure that a good friend knows where you are going and what time you will be home. You should also share all identifying information you have about your date such as his online profile, place of employment, phone number, etc. before leaving for the date. 4) Do a mini background check. You don’t have to do a formal background check but at the very least you should check out his Facebook page, twitter, website, and do a Google search. You would be amazed by how many women have discovered that their online Casanova was married just by checking Facebook. 5) Meet in a public place for your date. Meet in a public populated area. You should have people nearby in case things don’t feel safe at any point. 6) Stay sober. Alcohol can really impair your judgment both in terms of picking a good date and deciding where to go after the date. A date is a job interview. You are interviewing your date for the potential job of boyfriend or husband. Don’t drink on the job. 7) Be selective about the dating sites you use. The more time, energy or money a person has to put into enrolling and creating a profile, the less likely a prankster is to use it. A site that requires a credit card to pay means that your date is potentially traceable. 8) Look for red flags. While people are generally on their best behavior on first dates, sometimes clues emerge that indicate someone who is not safe. Keep an eye out for people who:

Look dramatically different than their photo
Don’t answer questions directly
Contradict something in their profile or that they told you on the phone
Come on too strong or is not respectful of boundaries
Treat the wait staff poorly by being demeaning, critical or difficult
Make disrespectful comments to or about you
Ask you for personal information (home address, bank account information, etc.)

Read This Before You Make New Year’s Resolutions

drjenn — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 13:28:56 +0000

Research shows that about half of all Americans make New Year’s resolutions but the vast majority don’t keep them for long. In fact, more than 1/3 of all respondents to a recent online poll did not even begin to keep their resolutions before breaking them. But in making a resolution and putting your plan into words, whether on paper or simply spoken aloud, can be very beneficial to actually keeping them throughout the year. Those who make resolutions are ten times more likely to achieve their goals.

Most people fail at their resolutions because they make unrealistic goals. Using tools listed below from cognitive behavioral therapy and behavior modification, you can make achievable goals and stick to them all year long.

Make small, manageable goals. If you have a history of failing to meet goals, you start to think of yourself as someone who does not keep her word to herself, which erodes self esteem. In order to rebuild self-esteem and have faith in yourself again, it is important to develop a pattern of meeting your goals. Instead of making a promise to go to the gym every day, for example, make a promise to go for a 20 minute walk once a week. Once you have the experience of success, you can add another small and manageable goal to your list.

Focus on the process instead of the outcome. You can’t control whether or not an employer hires you, but you can control what action you take that might lead to that new job. Instead of making a resolution to get a job, make one to send out three resumes a day. Give goals that are both achievable and controllable.

Change your motivation. Try looking at it from a different perspective. Instead of focusing on what you are “supposed to do,” focus on how long you want to live. I have always struggled to get myself to floss but as soon as my dental hygienist explained to me that people who floss live seven years longer, on average, I found myself flossing daily. Find new motivation when the old one has not worked.

Get all kind of support. Whether you join a 12-step group, start working with a therapist, make a plan to start exercising with a friend or join an investing club to meet financial goals, working with others and being accountable helps people accomplish their goals. One study of marathoners who trained with running buddies found that everyone who trained with a “buddy” met their running goals. Find other people you can buddy up with for other goals.

Take it one day at a time. When setting a big, long-term goal it is important to take it “one day at a time.” Getting through a week without smoking, for example, may be too overwhelming to face. Instead make a commitment to get through that day without smoking. Sometimes even that may be too much and you may need to take your resolutions one hour at a time.

Be prepared for setbacks. Black and white thinking will get you into a lot of trouble. If you make a goal not to binge eat and then you have a “slip” and are not prepared, you are more likely to continue the bingeing. Instead, look at the slip as part of your process of ending the behavior. In AA they say “progress, not perfection.”

A New Hanukkah Tradition of Giving

drjenn — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 23:27:01 +0000

This year we did something different for Hanukkah. Inspired by a comment one of my twin four-year-old daughters that she likes birthdays “because of the gifts,” my wise husband suggested that we start a new Hanukkah ritual of giving, instead of receiving. In order to prepare them for the new tradition, I let my daughters know in advance that our first night (tonight) would be about helping others and that each of them would have an important job to do. They were both really excited. After we lit the candles, I gave each of them three pieces of paper that listed a charity and showed an image having to do with that organization (they each got the same three charities to chose from in order to avoid fighting). I choose charities that had to do with animals, babies and young children because those are topics that interest both of my girls. I let them know they each had $10 to give to the charity of their choice and explained to them how each charity would most likely use that money to help their cause and let them pick for themselves. When faced between choosing The March of Dimes, Farm Sanctuary, and Half the Sky Quincy and Mendez had a tough time deciding. At first both girls seemed set on Farm Sanctuary. I have to admit that picture of those cute rescued pigs were very persuasive. But in the end they chose to help Chinese orphans with Half the Sky. This wonderful organization provides nurture and stimulation programs for babies, innovative preschools that encourage an early love of learning, personalized learning opportunities for older children, and foster homes for children whose special needs will keep them from being adopted. Then something interesting happened. Both my daughters asked if instead of getting presents in the second night of Hanukkah, they could give to another one of the charities. Perhaps we are onto something? I am really excited to help these wonderful organizations and to make this an annual tradition. What kind of family traditions have you started to teach your children about giving to others?

SuperBaby Give-Away

drjenn — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 20:30:03 +0000

Don't miss Susan Heim's terrific SuperBaby give-away! Just follow the instructions on her website to enter and win. Winner gets a copy of SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years and an organic SuperBaby onesie from Retail Therapy. Offer expires December 7th so get your entries in now!

Naturepedic and Other SuperBaby Winners

drjenn — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 22:49:27 +0000

Drum roll please. The winners are.... The Naturepedic Organic Mattress Raffle Tickets Winners are: 9/13 The Pump Station in Westlake Village- Leah Dwin 9/14 West LA Parents of Multiples- Dina Goodwin 9/15 The Little Seed- Donna Holloran 9/16 The Pump Station Santa Monica- Jessica Garland Other Raffle Ticket Give-Aways: SuperBaby Onesie by Retail Therapy- Melanie Steele SuperBaby Onesie by Retail Therapy- Jenna Wizks The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy Confident Kids signed book- Ginger Smith

Win a Free Naturepedic Mattress at the Los Angeles SuperBaby Events!

drjenn — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 16:03:06 +0000

I am so thrilled to announce that Naturepedic is very generously giving away one free Naturepadic mattress at each of the four SuperBaby events next week! Naturepedic is considered to be the gold standard in organic mattresses. My kids sleep on these mattresses themselves and I recommend them in SuperBaby:12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years. They believe, as do I, that a natural and organic baby crib mattress is the first step toward a healthy crib environment for your baby. Other mattresses are commonly made with petroleum-based synthetics, polyurethane foam, vinyl (PVC), phthalates, chemical fire retardants, and an extensive list of added industrial chemicals that have been linked to health risks. Naturepdic avoids those toxic chemicals. For more info checkout their site at www.Naturepedic.com. Join me at the signings and get one raffle ticket for each book purchased. Raffles will be drawn at the end of the night and winners will be notified (don’t forget to write your phone number on the back of your tickets!). Monday, September 13th at 7 PM at The Pump Station Westlake 2879 Agoura Rd. Westlake Village, CA 91361 Tuesday, September 14^th at 6:30 PM for West LA Parents of Multiples Private home (members only) Wednesday, September 15th at 7 PM at The Little Seed 219 N. Larchmont Blvd. LA 90004 Thursday, September 16th at 7 PM at The Pump Station Santa Monica 2415 Wilshire Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90403 To RSVP to the events email SuperBaby@SterlingPublishing.com and indicate which signings you will attend or just stop by!